I guess I was too busy trying to please others, before pleasing myself. And that just didn't seem fair. It's like my grandfather used to say, "You're very smart. But you're smart for those who are too afraid to be themselves." I didn't come to realize how stubborn I really was through another incident that left me not being me. Only because if it was an incident that would have snapped my oblivious mind back to reality, it would have happened years ago. There's no point in me writing down this new "revelation". Only because it's happened millions of times before and quite frankly, I don't even believe myself anymore.

I'm not here to feel deprived. Because the truth is, even if I was, it wouldn't be true. And as sad as it is to say, I'm not here for pity either. I've recieved enough pity, from myself, so I'm not too sure that counts. Either way I don't want you to think I want you to feel sorry for me, because I honestly don't. I just want you to know how I feel. Part of me wants to believe that you'll disregard my words as I've disregarded them. I guess that sounds like even more self pity but believe me when I say that's not true, even though I know it is.

My heart has taken on the job of a Super-Hero. I must save and restore to all those but myself. But, isn't it a good thing that I've helped out? Doesn't that count as something? Maybe not. I'm sorry if I've let you down. I'm sorry. And though I've said that countless times, I'm serious about it this time. That should definetly count as something of that I'm sure. Or atleast I think I'm sure.

Do you ever feel as though you're not yourself because you were never given the chance to be? Probably not. Oh, all right. I'm not here to change your decision, or even give you one for that matter. I just want you to know how I feel. And if that's hard to understand, I'm sorry. But I can't interpret what I say, I can only write it. Maybe that's bad or wrong or whatever but it's the truth.

It's hard to believe you're a Super-Hero when you can't even save yourself. Or even have the faith that you will be saved. Not even by you, Lord. I'm sorry.